Hi!
It’s only been two weeks, but it feels like approximately a decade since the last newsletter. We’ve lost all sense of time and space.
If you’re new (or just fuzzy on why this keeps showing up in your inbox), here’s the deal: This is The Noticing—a biweekly newsletter where I share reflections from my overstimulated brain, scenes from my home and garden, affiliate links to things I actually use, and reviews of what I’ve been reading and watching.
On the in-between Tuesdays, I send a personal essay that is usually deeper, sometimes spicier, always grounded in story and nervous system truth. These are sometimes political (because even if you don’t “do” politics, I promise politics are doing you), sometimes about my Christian faith and how it’s evolved, and often about parenting as it continues to wring me out in all kinds of ways.
If you’re wondering why me, here’s the short version: I’m trained in narrative-informed trauma care, and I’ve spent the last several years helping women make sense of their stories, their stuck places, and the patterns they want to shift. I’m also a mom, a recovering overfunctioner, and someone who believes healing should be honest, grounded, and a little bit irreverent. I’m doing my own work as I walk alongside others.
If you’re a paid subscriber: thank you. You’re helping me build something sustainable. You also get access to the more vulnerable essays, audio messages, and (starting next month) new ways to go deeper into story work and support. That part’s still unfolding but it’s starting to come together, and I’m really excited about it.
Here’s what’s inside this week’s lineup:
Connections: motherhood is overstimulating
Affiliate Links: things to help quiet your nervous system
Recommendations: I’ve made it to the end of my reading drought (+ a movie rec)
Sunday Garden Roundup: it’s hot out there in case you didn’t know
Connections
One of the things I struggle with most as a parent is how overstimulated I feel when my kids are just…you know, existing loudly near me. They’re not doing anything wrong when they’re asking for a snack, needing a Band-Aid, or saying “Mom” 47 times while I try to listen to my podcast while I’m washing strawberries while I’m unloading the dishwasher while I’m thinking about what I need to add to my grocery order.
Because we are physiologically connected to certain humans more than others, the voices of my children land in my body like a jolt. My nervous system flinches before my brain can catch up. I often respond in annoyance when I hear them calling me. What? What could you possibly need? I have done my best to set you up so that I can have just a few minutes of peace.
And then comes the guilt: I know their needs aren’t bad. I want to be the soft place. But my whole body is saying, please don’t need anything from me right now, and the internal whiplash is real.
This is one of the hardest tensions of motherhood for me: I don’t want to pass down the message that needing help makes you a burden. So many of us internalized that message and are now trying to rewire our brains to believe it’s safe to ask for help. But also when someone at church asked me yesterday what I like to do for fun in the way my husband likes to fly fish, all I could think of was be by myself in a quiet place.
I know this might sound like a cop-out, but I really believe the first step in changing anything is naming it. Naming the overwhelm, the overstimulation, the dissonance. Most of our parents didn’t have language for what was happening in their good, overwhelmed bodies. That’s why we assumed the problem was us—not the circumstances, not the stories, not their struggling nervous systems. And now, just like we did, our kids aren’t only hearing our words—they’re absorbing our tone, our posture, the way we turn toward them or away. They’re learning: Is it safe to need things? Is it safe to need my mom or my dad when I need help?
My kids aren’t responsible for my overwhelm. Their needs contribute to it, sure—but they aren’t the cause of it. They’re doing exactly what they’re wired to do: look to me as their compass, their comfort, their source. I’m their answer to almost everything right now—Where’s the snack? What does this feeling mean? Am I still safe? Do you still see me? Of course that level of need will stretch me. But it’s not a flaw in them, it’s a feature of their design. And yes, of course, part of my job is to help scaffold them into becoming independent, capable people in a developmentally appropriate way. The hard part is that it requires me to show up even when I feel emptied out. And when I can’t show up perfectly, that doesn’t make them too much. It just makes me human.
I’m trying to tell the truth about what’s happening in my body, not just power through it. The goal isn’t perfect regulation, it’s honest repair. We don’t always get it right. But we can keep trying. We can name the hard things, offer repair, and return to connection again.
P.S.
If this hits close to home, I’ll be opening a quiet little space next month for deeper conversations about this kind of thing where we can share our struggles with each other.
Affiliate Roundup: Things That Might Help When You’re Overstimulated and Still Have to Function
I pulled together a few Amazon affiliate links of things that seem like they might help those of us who are maybe maxed out by our environment in ways that others aren’t.
These won’t fix everything, but they might offer a moment of quiet, a little comfort, or a tiny reminder that you get to have needs too.
💠 1. Stress Relief Cubes
I’ve tried a lot of stress relief squishy things and I still like these cubes best. I keep a selection of fidgets in my car for me and for my passengers.
❄️ 2. Cooling Blanket
Great for hot sleepers, overstimulated bodies, or anyone who feels like they’re going to melt down if the room gets one degree warmer but also want to be covered up and tucked in like a tiny little baby. Light, breathable, and regulation-adjacent.
🌿 3. Shoulder Heating Pad
For when your whole upper body is clenched but you can’t book a massage and also don’t want to be touched.
🧴 4. Magnesium Oil Spray
I’ve been learning more about magnesium and this seems like a small but intentional thing that can add to your calm.
🛒 5. Rolling Cart Just for You
I’m kind of obsessed with this idea. I’ve been thinking about it anyway now that my bathroom has been unexpectedly gutted and my skincare and makeup is scattered all over various makeshift spots. But this could be a rolling sanctuary for your relaxing stuff: skincare, books, snacks, or anything that reminds you that you’re a person.
🃏 6. A Game With Kids That You Don’t Hate (Sleeping Queens)
I love this game. Simple enough for littles, clever enough that I don’t mind playing it. No pretend play required.
🔇 7. Loop Earplugs
I haven’t tried these but my friend Meredith Miller recommended them this week. You will love her work if you haven’t met Meredith yet. I want to be her when I grow up.
🎧 8. Headphones That Say “Please Don’t”
I broke down and bought some last week during Prime Week. I feel like a big dork and also sometimes we just need a visible boundary.
🌬️ 9. Essential Oil Diffuser I’m not a wellness influencer but it makes me feel so much better when my house smells good.
Recommendations: Books and a Movie
Here are a few things I’ve read, listened to, or watched lately that have stayed with me. I wish I had some super fun or light reads to recommend but apparently that is not my media comsumption vibe.
📖 The Tell by Amy Griffin
This memoir isn’t an easy read—trigger warning for sexual abuse—but it’s one I won’t forget. It’ll stay with me for a long time.
🎧 Broken Country by Clare Leslie Hall
I listened to this fiction one as an audiobook. It is not a light or uplifting read, but it was well-narrated with a storyline that held my attention. I would recommend it but again, some heavy content for sure.
🎬 Mountainhead (HBO Max)
I bit the bullet and got an HBO subscription just to watch this movie. I’ve been working on an essay that includes a quote from the film, and it felt important to see it in full context. If you liked Succession, this might be a good fit for you. (Disclaimer: I watch maybe five movies a year, so I don’t say this as a film expert.) It explores the long reach of personal trauma and how our unresolved stories ripple into everything else (my favorite).
📚 Currently Reading: Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir
Totally different vibe (nerdy, fun, interesting) but I’m loving it. If you liked The Martian, this one hits the same part of the brain.
🎧 Currently Listening: Finding Me by Viola Davis
Absolutely recommend the audiobook. Her voice, her story, her presence. This book is captivating and it undid me from the first few minutes. I’m about a third of the way through and will absolutely finish it.
Sunday Garden Round-Up: 🍐☀️
Last weekend at the lake left me covered in bug bites, and I have had a hot, itchy, overstimulating July so far (see above essay). I have not been able to bring myself to tackle the weeds and honestly I’m mostly scrounging for the small places the garden is blooming in spite of me. Some years I can share my bounty, others I’m more dependent on the generosity of others.
Here are a few images of what’s growing, blooming, wilting, and hanging on around here this week.
That’s the roundup for this week. If you made it this far, thanks for reading. I know it was a lot—words, feelings, figs, affiliate links—but that’s kind of what life feels like right now too. Messy and layered and full of small, surprising beauty.
Take what you need, leave the rest. And maybe go check on your basil. Or your nervous system. Or your neighbor.
See you soon—same time, same place, with whatever’s blooming next.
💛 Erin
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